When You're Older...

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

When You're Older...







When you're older, I hope you remember your young years with me.  Your daddy and I waited so long for you and I find myself wanting to freeze each moment in my mind forever so that I don't forget all of these beautiful moments of your childhood.  Pictures are worth a thousand words, but they don't convey the funny things you say or the love and caring that is in your heart.  I don't want to forget a minute, but I know that I already have.  I want you to be able to remember your little years with me, but I know that you probably won't remember on your own; so one day, when you're older, I hope to share this with you.


I love how close we are- how we can look at each other, without saying anything, and burst into laughter or share a look and know what the other is thinking.  


I love how sweet and caring you are- to the point that tears are brought to your eyes when other people get "boo boos" and you go over and ask them if they are okay and give them kisses.


I love how smart you are-  You are 4 years old but you count to well over one hundred, you count by tens, you count by tens backwards, you're learning to read a real clock, if I tell you it's 10:57, you tell me it's 3 minutes until 11.  You use big words correctly.  And no one forced you to learn these things, you showed tremendous interest all on your own.  I am so very proud of you and who you are.


I love how funny you are-  you make me laugh every single day.  With your silly voices and impressions, to your cool dance moves that you make me try, to times like when you sneak up behind me and whisper in my ear- in a deep voice- "Eat your heart out" like in Lightening McQueen.  You don't know what it means, but it makes me bust out laughing, and that makes you laugh and I pick you up and swing you around and tickle you and you laugh and laugh.  I love the funny things you say when you don't necessarily mean to be funny, but you aren't quite sure what the words mean yet.  There are too many to count and I wish I could remember them all.  I need to start writing them down.


I can tell now how much of a perfectionist you are-  When you were almost one years old, you learned to walk....for exactly 1 day.  You walked a lot that day.  But then you walked so fast that you fell down...and bonked your head on the wall.  You cried and we picked you up and soothed you and gave you lots of kisses and made sure you were okay.  And you were.  But you didn't walk again for 2 months.  You wouldn't even try.  Until you knew you would be perfect at it.  Once you decided to try again, you never fell and hit your head.  Heck, I don't even think you fell much at all.   Just recently, you wanted to write your numbers.  You never had interest in wanting to write them before, so you really didn't know how to write any of them.  You practiced and practiced.  Through the tears of frustration of not being able to write a certain number, I told you it was okay, you were doing great, it takes practice, and suggested we take a break.  You would have none of that.  You went from not being able to write any number, to writing number 1 all through over number 100.  All in the same day.  In about 2 hours actually.  I had you stop once you got to 50, but you kept doing it on your own.  Once you got to 111, you started all over again.  You, my sweet baby, are a perfectionist.  I am no where near that.  I admire your determination.  It will take you far in life.  But I also hope that as you grow, you will learn that it is okay to not be perfect at everything during your first attempt...or your 20th. 

I love how silly you are-  And you allow me to step back from the way grown ups are told to act and be silly with you.  I love our silly photo shoots, and the funny voices you do, and the funny games we make up.  I love being the "kissy monster" and you wanting to do it back.  I love your laugh.  Nothing brings a mother more joy then seeing her child laugh.  


I love how loving and nurturing you are-  I love how if I don't feel good, you run and get the thermometer, and cover me with blankets, and take care of me how I always take care of you.  I love how you pick flowers outside and give them to me.  I love how you call me your "sweetie and honey pie and baby" because I know that you learned all those sweet things because I say them to you day in and day out.  And it's just so darn cute hearing your 4 year old say "It's okay my sweetie, maybe you'll win next time" when I play a game with you.  I love how when you hear an ambulance or fire truck you always say "I hope everybody is okay"..because you've heard me say that and you truly feel the same way. I love how you are still a little cuddle bug and will be very sad when the day comes when you don't want to snuggle your mommy any more.  Now, every night at 6:30 you say, "Okay mommy, let's go on the couch and sssssssnugggllle!!!".  And we watch Umi Zoomie and cuddle up together.  I love how you tell me you love me 1000 times a day, every day.  And of course you're told 1001 times.

"Here, Mommy, I picked you these flowers!"


I love how you feel comfortable coming to me with anything-  if you have an embarrassing question, you won't ask other people, but you will come to me.  And I always try to answer you honestly and to your level of understanding in hopes that when you're older you will still feel comfortable coming to me with all of your questions.  Even now, some of your questions are difficult.  Like when you ask me why Mima is in Heaven, and if you can go visit her there.  And what her house looks like in Heaven.  My heart breaks when you ask me things like this and I try to answer them in a way that you can understand.  I love that you feel comfortable around me to be your silly, beautiful, wonderful self.  You are shy, you get that from me I guess, but there are parts of your personality that you save just for mommy.  I love that.  I also hope, that as you grow, you are able to show the rest of the world that side of you as well.  I haven't been able to do that and it's made life a lot harder than it should be, and I don't wish that for you.




One day, you will become an adult and go out on your own (even though today you tell me that that won't happen and that you're going to live with mommy and daddy forever) and I will have to let you go.  You are my best friend, a piece of my soul, and a part of me.  As of today, I don't know how I will do it, but we'll learn and get through it together.


There is no love like a mother's love.  For anyone reading this, if you are able, go out and give your mom a hug, tell her you love her.  Because your mother loves you more than anyone else in this entire world could.  You aren't really able to imagine what it's like until you have a child of your own.  I can't tell my mother thank you or that I love her because she passed away when my son was just four months old.  Just as I was learning to appreciate what she had done for me all of these years.  So go hug your moms, everyone.  And to my baby, I hope one day you have children of your own so that you know just how deeply I love you.  How I worry about you and think about you every second of the day.  I never understood the saying that "having children is like having your heart walking around outside your chest" until I had you.  It's a very scary, real, and all consuming, unconditional love...and it's the best thing in the world.


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18 comments

  1. Kelly, you are a remarkable mother. What a blessing Jaxson has to call you mommie. You and Chris do such a wonderful job in guiding and nurturing him. No wonder, he is such and amazingly beautiful little fella. Please give him a huge hug on his upcoming birthday from Pop-Pop.. Tim PS... Absolutely delightful article... Sign me up for your posts... :)

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    1. Thank you for the beautiful words. We will definitely give Jax a hug from you!

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  2. I absolutely love it! You are an amazing mother & wife but most importantly you are an amazing person inside & out! Jaxson is going to love and cherish this. One day he will be able to look back at his childhood and share those moments with his kids.

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    1. Thanks Leanne, that is so sweet! I hope he will be able to look back on it when he is a teenager or an adult and realize how much he is loved :)

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  3. Aww, this was beautiful. You're a great mom for pouring your heart out like this, and I'm sure your son will appreciate reading this when he's older.

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    1. Thanks Danielle! I hope so. I started writing it because there is just so much we forget when they're this age! I really wanted him to know what his childhood was like so I'm glad I got some of the moments written down!

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  4. Sweet memories for your son as he matures.

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    1. Thank you Maggie. I can't wait to share them with him when he is older!

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  5. This brought a tear to my eye!!! I loved it! I love my mom and I didn't realize all she did for me or how much she cared until I graduated high school. I think I needed a reality check when I was teenager. lol Great post!

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    1. Thank you! I don't think any of us really understood all of what our parents did for us when we were growing up. I know i didn't! It's hard to understand all that when you're younger. Thanks again!

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  6. This was amazing. My daughter turns 15 today so it really touched me

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    1. Thanks Joni. Aww, Happy Birthday to your daughter! I'm glad reading this was able to bring back some special memories of your family for you!

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  7. I love this. This will be so nice for your kids to look back on when they are older :)

    www.pearlsandpolkadots.net

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    1. Thanks Samantha! I hope so! I think I might do one each year for him around his birthday.
      I checked out your blog too, love it!

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  8. Such a great post! I'll admit I teared up a little bit. I absolutely love that last picture of you two. I have a 5-year-old, so I can relate to a lot of this. I love the part about him walking for 1 day, then waiting 2 months until he could get it perfect.

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    1. Aww, thank you Shann. Ha, I definitely did some crying while writing it! Don't you just love this age? I'm glad you could relate to it. My boy is starting Kindergarten this year! Is your child starting now too?

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  9. Wow this is beautiful! What an amazing keepsake that your son is going to have to look back on one day!

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    1. Thank you Chantal! I hope so! It's made me want to do one for him every year, haha. We'll see.

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